How do you tell your 8 year old son that he might not have his birthday party after all? How do you explain to your 6 year old that he can't have the $8 book from the book order this time? How do you tell your 4 year old that we just can't afford to eat at McDonald's every Wednesday before school like we did in the past? How do I tell my boys all of these things?
The difficult economic times have not left our house unscathed. In January of this year my husband was laid-off. He was fortunate to receive a severance package of a few weeks salary and insurance coverage through the end of May. He considered it a blessing to be able to access a career management firm for a month. He signed up for his unemployment. He has been applying for jobs since the very day his job was "downsized." While he has enjoyed his time at home to be Dad, reevaluate his career choice and improve his skills, he is ready to work again. If only he could find a job.
It has been almost 2 months since he entered unemployment. Our severance is almost gone. While we have insurance, we are in the "gap" between what our health reimbursement account (through our insurance plan) paid and when our traditional insurance pays everything. We have limited funds in our FSA. He has diligently applied for jobs, finding them through headhunters, job websites and networking. He has had a handful of phone screens. Still, no job. He has some more promising leads this week, although they would take us away from a place we have grown to love. It is a tough decision. One of many we have had to make.
After moving to Oregon last May, Chris and I decided to take the fall "off" from activities for the boys so we could get settled. It was more important to establish relationships with doctors, church, friends and the preschool. We had big plans for the spring for our family. There is a recreation center to join, homeschool enrichment classes, sports activities...the list could continue. We were unable to see any of that happen. All the talk of music lessons and karate turned into talk of how to cover basics. My loving parents graciously stepped in to cover school costs. I had to change from thinking about how our family could make extra activities a reality to how our family can stretch grocery dollars and still be healthy eaters. The discussion about decisions and how sometimes life isn't fair began.
Not all decisions are as simple as cutting out fast food or cutting back on name-brand or organic groceries. Joshua needs tubes in his ears. Actually, one of his ears has a tube and he can hear fine but the other ear has fluid behind the eardrum and his hearing is not very good. In most situations I would have tubes in his ears in a heartbeat, but we just can't afford them right now. Yes, we have insurance but we would have to pay for this out of pocket because of the "gap" we are in right now. His ENT assures me that because he can hear well out of one ear we can wait a while longer. I have decided to discuss the money part of the surgery with the business manager at the clinic to see the cost and explore options. Joshua's speech is already behind (this would be his 3rd set of tubes - the fluid builds up and he can't hear, then he can't make the speech sounds properly) and I know it is starting to effect his social and academic skills.
Another decision is about Zachary's therapy. We will be paying for some of that out of pocket. He has two more speech sessions left and then will start OT. I simply will NOT allow him to go without this therapy - he has a difficult time functioning without this help. Because he has been going since the beginning of the year, he is very close to meeting his out of pocket max for the year. I suspect we will not have to pay for very many therapy sessions before his limit is met. It is hard to "choose" therapy over Joshua's tubes but we have limited money in our FSA and feel it will go best toward Zachary's therapy. This decision is also made with the hope that Chris will have a job soon and both will happen. I don't like that I have to make a choice at all.
I will give my boys a lot of credit. They are taking everything in stride, for the most part. Joshua keeps asking when Daddy's company will get more money so Daddy can go back to work. Zachary has us moving everywhere Chris puts in an application; just this morning telling his speech therapist that Daddy got a job in Tennessee and we would be moving. All three are very observant and know that Mom and Daddy are stressed. This does have an effect on their behavior. Ryan is acting up a little more at school. Zachary is not sleeping well and has had issues with meltdowns. Joshua is extra clingy. Each day we tell them we love them and we will ALWAYS take care of them, regardless of Daddy's work status. I think that is the most important thing we, as parents, can do at this time.
I know we will be fine. We have hope in the Lord. We gather our strength from Him. Our family has offered to help in any way possible. We are surrounded by friends. We are surrounded by prayer. It is difficult to wait. It is difficult to see God's timing. It is hard to want something and discover that He does not want the same things for our family. It is hard to figure out what God wants for us, sometimes. Still, we will wait. We will stay in Oregon, if possible, or move if God says, "Move." Following Him - that's not a tough decision.
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